My life story... ( in progress)

Marilee Michele

From the Beginning

August 30, 1982 in El Paso Texas a young teenage girl went to the hospital to give birth to a small baby girl. This young girl hadn’t told her family she was pregnant, she hadn’t planned on raising her daughter, but she did want to find a family who would love her. The baby born this day would be known as baby girl until she found a family to adopt her. After growing large enough to come home from the hospital baby girl was placed into foster care with a loving family until her adoption went through. After two months of searching LDS social services and the young teenage girl found a home for the baby girl. That home would be with a family in Kansas City Missouri. The parents John and Jean had one child of their own, a boy age 4 named Chad. On October 30, 1982 John and Jean flew into Dallas Texas where they met the foster family and picked up their new baby girl. At two months old, baby girl got a name and a family, her name was Marilee Michele Morales.        

I am Marilee Michele and I am grateful for my wonderful birth mother who made the difficult decision to put me up for adoption so that I could be placed in a home with a father and mother who would care for and love me. After a year I was finally able to get sealed to my family in the Los Angeles Temple. During this time we lived days away from a temple as we lived in the Manti Temple district. My grandparents Donna and Carmi (Tommy) Thompson worked in the Los Angeles Temple so we took the journey to fly out and spend this special day with family.

Shortly after getting sealed we moved into a new home where I would then spend all my childhood years. That house is what my family calls the old house. It is the home we remember most and holds all of our cherished memories.

New Additions

            In the summer of 1986 our family received some very exciting news, we would be getting a new baby. My parents still were not able to have children of their own so one again they turned to adoption to add to our family. On August 13, 1986 my younger brother Jared was born and after a month long wait he joined our family. Since Jared was a sick baby I was able to spend a lot of time with my grandparents who lived just a few blocks away. I loved spending time with my grandparents they spoiled me rotten. When I went over I had my routine. I would get all my stuff laid out on the chair, get my chocolate from the special box, and then head down to the garage to play with grandpa. He was always there tinkering with the train or working to fix our bird feeder. And when we finished in the garage we would head up for dinner which was always grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. These visits to grandma and grandpa Morales were some of the best times and helped make that year Jared was sick kind of fade in to the background.

            Later in 1989 we received another call saying that we were accepted to adopt a little baby girl. I was so excited to be getting a sister. Since she was coming from Korea we had a long 6 month wait for her to come to our home. During this time we bought books about Korean culture and ordered a special handbook for me. I remember the day my sister Mia came home to live with us. Even though my parents had explained that Mia was Korean we didn’t quite understand until we first saw her. My mom pulled up into the garage and let us come to the car to get her out of the car seat. I think we all stood there and stared at her for a half hour before we even took her out. We all just looked at her and she just sat and stared back at us. I think we were all just taking in the moment that our family had just grown. That week at school my mom arranged for me to have a special show and tell in my first grade class. I dressed up in my South Korean traditional handbook and taught the kids a few facts about Korea. Then I presented my special treat, my sister. I remember being so proud to be able to bring my new baby sister to school so everyone could meet her. Looking back I think my teacher was so sweet to let me have this special moment in class. Adoption wasn’t that easy in the 1980’s so it was a big deal for us to be able to adopt from overseas and especially since it was our third adopted child.

My Best Friend

            We all have friends come and go throughout our lives. Some of us however are fortunate enough to have a best friend. You know one of those people that just knows your every thought and can finish your sentences for you. Well I had one of these great friends and I met her on a sunny summer morning. My mom and her friends loved to exercise so during the summer months they would either meet at the church for aerobics or at the local high school track. On one particular morning my mom took me along to play with her new friend’s daughter in the sandbox. Now this was not any old sandbox, it was the sand pit at the end of the long jump track. The little girl was Mary Alexis Shaffer and little did we both know that we were about to make a life-long friend. After that first morning Mary and I were instant besties. We would spend all our time together playing at each other’s homes. Sadly after just a year her family moved away to Utah. For four years we wrote each other letters and would occasionally talk on the phone. In the summer of 1992 the Shaffer family moved back to Kansas City and I had my best friend back. From that time forth we were inseparable. 

            Every summer we basically lived at each other’s homes. Mary and her family because our other family. Neither of us had extended family around we were joined up together. Every Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Fourth of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day, and Halloween was spent together. I have trouble remembering many events without her by my side. She was truly my great childhood friend who helped mold me into the woman I have become.

Hobbies

            My dad is a periodontist and so we never wanted for anything. We were able to try out many different hobbies and talents. From the ages of 2 to 20 I took dance classes. We have videos saved from almost all my recitals from the very first in 1984 where I danced to “Mississippi Mud” to my last in 2000 dancing in Guys and Dolls. I loved to dance and especially fell in love with ballet. I also loved to sing and play the piano. I remember every Christmas Eve we held a family talent show. We would perform either a piano piece, a song, or a dance. These mini talent shows were some of the greatest nights as we invited our grandparents and friends to come over and join us in our little celebration.

            Music has always been an important part of my life. I started taking piano lessons when I was 5 and continued until the end of high school. For a brief time I also learned to play the flute and the French horn. In eighth grade I took a stab at composing music and enjoyed the creative outlet it gave me. After creating a piece for the piano and flute I enlisted a friend to help record it and submit it to our schools creative competition. I was hoping just to get a ribbon from my school but was humbled to win my grades music composing award for the state. I still like to tinker around with melodies and sing to myself as I go about my day.

Meeting Mr. Right

            On July 24, 1997 I was very excited to go to my very first youth conference.  That year it would be held in Warrensburg, Missouri. I packed up my things for the three day stay and headed off for a great time. On the first night there we were introduced to the youth attending by learning to do a line dance. We each broke into groups and learned a quick routine to help ease out the nerves before our dance. When the dance started my friends and I were off and dancing. Of course the slow dances at church are somewhat of an adolescent’s initiation into awkward situations. There is always those kids holding up the wall and trying to act as if they do not want to dance while still scooping out the room praying someone asks them. Then you have those that dance with everyone and those that leave the room for a bathroom break whenever the slow song starts. I was definitely a wall holder-upper. I hated that moment when the music shifts and you don’t know whether to stand still or turn to the nearest boy. To my shock at the beginning of the night a very handsome and shy kid asked me to dance. I do not think we said more than a dozen words to each other while we danced but our names. His name was Brian Scott Bergstrom and that night I would be writing his name over and over in my journal. This young man 7 years later became my dear sweet husband.

College

            During my senior year of high school I realized that I really didn’t enjoy spending most of my time with kids that worried more about what they looked like then what they wanted to do with their future. I went to my parents and asked if I could graduate from high school early and get started on the next phase in my life. Thankfully my parents agreed so in January of 2001 I left high school and began beauty school. I am a girly girl who loves makeup and hair. Going to school to be a hairdresser was a great fit for me. After nine months I graduated and began working in a local salon. During my time in beauty school I was able to walk with my high school class at graduation and watch my friends leave for college. I did not think I wanted to go but after spending a few months working as an adult I longed for that college experience. So again I went to my parents with my next life plan and they helped me along as I applied to go to BYU. I left for the winter semester of 2002 moving to Provo Utah for school.

Marriage

            In the summer of 2003 my good friend Brian Scott Bergstrom returned home from his mission. After just two days home I went to his home and poured out my heart. I think it was merely hours after he was released when I told him how much I loved him and asked him if he wanted to marry me. Looking back I think that must have been my most impulsive act ever. However it has proven to be the greatest thing I have ever done. Brian took a whole two weeks to think over my proposal and on my twenty first birthday on the grounds of the Salt Lake City temple Brian expressed his love for me and we decided to get married that winter. 

 Motherhood is a journey (written May 6, 2010)
Gotta love slugger!

For non KC locals this is our pro baseball mascot, the girls loved meeting him!

Saturday morning as we got to the walk just looking around I felt so overwhelmed with emotion. I could hardly contain it. And I don't think I did a good job hiding it either. At one point Brian looked right at me and asked if I was crying. Oh course I thought about how the conversation might go in my head...

me- "yes I am"

Brian- "why"

me- " I don't know"

Brian- "how do you not know" followed by that look men give you when they think to themselves women are so complicated how do you not know what is upsetting you, really!

And so i thought to avoid this I would simply lie so I responded, "No I just have allergies today and touched my eye too much." I am still not sure if he bought it or thought now is not the time to call me on my lying for no reason. So we got to the opening ceremonies and enjoyed the thoughts and storied shared. (this of course sent another wave of emotion!)

Opening ceremonies!

After that we headed to the starting line and we off on our walk. The first stop was the baby boulevard. It was sobering to say the least. On both sides of the walls were posters of the children the family teams were walking for. There were so many that were "in memory of" and it really pulled at my heart. And as I looked for the girls posters and read each one I noticed something, most of the children that passed were born at the same time or just before the girls were in gestational age. And the ones that survived were born farther along then the girls. This made me wonder "why". Why did the girls make it and so many of these other children did not. How come we were so lucky and others had such a hard ache. It just didn't seem to make sense. And it really got me emotional and thoughtful.

Sunday morning after a long night with the girls it hit me....

"I have been given these girls because it was the Lords will."

I know we are not given trials because we are just unlucky, have somehow made some horrible mistake to earn such hardships, or that other people are just more lucky then us. I know the Lord knows who we will become. He knows the end from the beginning and knows the people we will be when we one day return to Him. He gives us or rather lets trials come out way that will mold us into the people we will be. He lets life teach us who we are inside. And most of the time it doesn't make sense and may not seem fair but that really isn't the point. The point is to learn to grow and to help each other.

These girls try me each day and teach me that I have SO MUCH to learn. But everyday I am grateful for this crazy life of motherhood. I am grateful that I was spared that hardship of loosing my small child who was born much too young. I am thankful for the priesthood that gave the girls the chance to fight for their lives. I am grateful for a worthy husband and amazing doctors who were there for me when the girls had to be taken so suddenly. I know it isn't luck but the Lord.

Then comes my big revelation that just came to me this morning.... I am scared. I am scared so much that it keeps me up at night sometimes. I desperately want another child. I feel that hole inside me that is simply the longing for a baby that is not yet here. I know anyone who had ever wanted to be a mother knows a little of that feeling. And at times I feel that that wish will be granted, while other times I fear I might not get that opportunity. But mostly I fear the unknown. As I walked along that boulevard the pain of thinking that I might not be that lucky the third time around hit me. What if the next one doesn't make it. What if it is simply not His will. What if that child must suffer.

Having a preemie is an experience that you just CAN NOT understand unless you go through it yourself. There is a helplessness that makes breathing hard. You will do anything to ease the pain and suffering your tiny little one is enduring. But you can't do anything but watch. It is hard and so challenging on your emotions and spirit.

My little blessings

I love my family and know they have been given to me from a perfect Father in Heaven. I know that he knows me. He knows what I need and more importantly what I must learn to return to Him. I know that we have been put here at this time to work mighty miracles. I hope to take part in many of those along the road of life. I know that happiness comes in moments of clarity where we truly see people and situations as He sees them. And I hope to capture those moments in my heart and share them with you.

Mothers Day (Following Written May 10, 2010)

My morning started as every other morning, I looked at the clock rolled over and covered up in the cozy blankets and quiet bed. After a few minutes I could hear the shuffle of a pull up down the hall and then silence. Next thing I knew I felt the cool breath of my dear little one. She climbed into my bed, wrapped her arms around me, and kissed me sweetly and snuggled in. We then cuddled for several minutes before i decided it was indeed time to get up. We hugged one last time and then my day began. I climbed up got out the remotes and turned on the cartoons. I hoped into the shower and woke myself up. When I climbed out I hear yet again the pitter patter of little feet shuffle down the hall and then climb into my bed.

I talked with the girls for a few minutes about the night and then asked what each wanted for breakfast. While still wrapped up in a towel I quickly popped in the oatmeal and began to get dressed for the day. And seeing that it was yet again Sunday morning and we were running late for church I thought hey maybe we will just go late seeing we will be attending another sacrament later in the day. So I asked the girls what they wanted to do. And then they replied, "mom we have to go to church so we can sing you our special song." And with that I whirled into super mom mode and got us all bathed, dressed, and quafted in 20 minutes.

All the way to church the girls sang the same song to the radio, "I know that my savior loves me." Their sweet angelic voices were perfect and it make the beginning of a great day. We snuck into to church and squished into two seats. As the speakers talked about motherhood and the many blessing that it all in tails I listened but more importantly lived it. I colored and fed, snuggled and smoothed, I whispered and laughed, and encourged my little ones. Then the moment came when the primary children were suppose to go up to sing. Of course Isa refused to go because the thought of big groups totally freaks her out. So she stayed back and snuggled in my lap. Layla however was to excited and blew me kisses all the way up to the front. And she snuck her way up to the front and sang with such excitement. I could see she sang every word and my heart just melted. Nothing beats seeing your children so happy to be making you happy.

And then our day continued. We all made it to the bathroom together before class and chatted while in stalls or waiting by the sink. It is a time to talk you know, isn't that why we women go in groups?!!! Then off home and to church again.

The rest of the day goes like any other day but with slightly less whining. Then we get to my parents for dinner. For my day I wanted to sit and play the piano for a while so that is where I headed to first. Layla sat on the bench with me and sang along to all the songs. We sang blues, some folk, and lots of primary songs. It was one of those moments when they sing off tune and hit the keys on the keyboard messing you up a dozen times. But it was mother's day and I just soaked it in. I laughed and smiled and listened to my sweet little girl want to be just like me.

And after a great dinner and time with my own mother and sister I got my gift from the girls. Nothing fancy or expensive. Just a binder with a picture outside. A picture of my favorite flower and my name and the girls written just by them. And inside are plastic page protectors to put all their art. It is a book to keep all my special pictures, and man there are a lot. But inside are my memories, the memories of my little ones. They won't be little for too much longer so I have to cherish them while they are. So it wasn't a fancy mother's day as many of my friend have had. But it was simply my day. Just an ordinary day in my life as a mother, it was perfect!

 

Going Back To School

Just when I get into a rhythm my life likes to make a massive shift and turns me inside out and upside down! Thanks to the lack of $$$$ flowing into our household and the full on expenses of medical school I decided to take the time out of my CRAZY busy life and finish up my bachelors degree. I planned on graduating from BYU but since that doesn't allow me the privilege of financial aid and scholarships I will surprisingly finish up at the good old BYU-I. My focus will be on family and children in a sociological and psychological setting in prep for my masters which I will complete once Brian finishes his doctorate. That is unless school just goes GREAT and I dive into it sooner. (this I highly doubt because I have other plans or well hopes for using my free time!!!)

Brian had his graduation from his masters program in July of 2011 and it was a wonderful ceremony. My mom had the privilege of sitting next to me and watching me fight back the tears as I sat a super proud wife of one amazing husband. (Please note I will now begin to brag about my amazing spouse and all his wonderfulness so you are welcome to skip to the next paragraph!)

Brian worked so hard and really focused more than he has ever had to in the past. And thankfully that ended up leaving a lot of time helping out around the house, playing with the kids, and taking care of his sometimes needy wife. He didn't usually have a lot of time, he made time. And it paid off because his official transcript was posted to his med school transcript and reads * 4.0 class rank #1! Yes your read it right class rank 1. I was so proud that his hard work paid off. Of course the Lord knows we need our humility thus there is no mention of his rank at graduation, or with an award, or even with a tassel. Instead we know it is there on his transcript and will pay off when it comes time for residency picking. My dear sweet husband is back in school for his four year adventure in medical school.